I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
