when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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