just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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