So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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