Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
