Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
