It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
