Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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