I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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