I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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