considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
