Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
the liver wants what the liver wants
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
