I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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