I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
