Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
