Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
