woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
