I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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