If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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