Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
