I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
