You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
this hospital has no fireball
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
