I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
