I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
