he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
