is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
