Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
