On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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