A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
