Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
