my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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