worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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