White coat. Heels.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
