it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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