i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
