Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
