i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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