I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
