he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
