Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
