After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
