i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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