Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
