hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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