I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
