3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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