If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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