Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
