we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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