I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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