life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
