i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
