her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
