They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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