Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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