opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
