rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
