Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
