Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
