How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
