I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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