I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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