How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
