yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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