he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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