She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
