as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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