final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
