we're chasing vodka with high fives
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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