I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
