on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
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some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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