It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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