She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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