but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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